


take my hand, draw a circle

by neocxxlture



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M, and taeil wants to learn how to swim, bit of childhood trauma, chenle is a kid!, fear of water, kun is a swimming instructor, taeil struggles with himself, you see the fear of water is a metaphor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-25 12:50:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19746112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neocxxlture/pseuds/neocxxlture
Summary: Maybe he should be paying more attention to the way the instructor frowns when he spots him amidst the seven year old children, and how his brow furrows in confusion, “Are you a parent?“It almost makes Taeil laugh. Almost, because the words make him come back to himself, make him remember where he is and what it is he’s about to try and do. He swallows, and his throat feels dry, “No, no. I’m here to learn how to swim.“





	take my hand, draw a circle

**Author's Note:**

> much thanks to eda for the swimming instructor kun idea <3
> 
> this fic wasnt planned but it somehow just happened. i hope its at least a tiny bit enjoyable <333

It’s an incredibly sunny day. There isn’t a single cloud in the sky, and the expanse of it stretches far and wide and purely blue like only the summer sky is capable of being. It is the sort of heat that feels suffocating, dense and everywhere at once; it’s the sort of heat to make animals seek out shelter and shadow, and people seek the comfort of their AC‘d rooms and a cold beverage.

It is the sort of heat that makes friends make plans and send texts to group chats, such as: _anybody up for a day at the pool?_ or _we could travel down to the sea for a few days_ or _pool party at my place next week?_

Or: _Taeil, you’re coming this time, right?_

There are a couple of things to consider. Number one, these friends are new, so they don’t know that Taeil doesn’t really _do_ pools. Number two, they don’t know that Taeil doesn’t really do much of swimming, either.

Number three: these friends are new, and Taeil really doesn’t want to have that conversation with them, the one where he explains that _sorry, something happened to me when I was a child and now I’m terrified of the water, no I won’t be coming to your pool party._

It’s not like he’s ashamed, though he does feel silly for a variety of reasons, ranging from wanting to fit in, and ending with him being twenty-five years old and not knowing how to swim.

And so here he is. Sunny day, sweat on his brow, a couple of kids and a kids‘ swimming pool next to him. A really hot swimming instructor standing in front of him.

Maybe Taeil shouldn’t be focusing on that. He shouldn’t be letting his eyes wander over the instructor‘s lean frame, his toned arms and shoulders, thick thighs and calves. Maybe he shouldn’t be letting his eyes catch on the instructor’s slightly damp and messy hair, his sharp features of his plump lips.

Maybe he should be paying more attention to the way the instructor frowns when he spots him amidst the seven year old children, and how his brow furrows in confusion, “Are you a parent?“

It almost makes Taeil laugh. Almost, because the words make him come back to himself, make him remember where he is and what it is he’s about to try and do. He swallows, and his throat feels dry, “No, no. I’m here to learn how to swim.“

The instructor only blinks, “We have courses for adults.“ He voices the sentence in a way that the end of it trails off, like an unfinished question. As in: _We have courses for adults, what are you doing here with all the kids?_

Taeil tries for a smile. “I know, but I need to learn as soon as possible, preferably. The lady at the front desk said I could join in on today‘s course if I wanted.“ He pauses, and then, “Is that a problem?“

The instructor quickly shakes his head, “No, of course not! I don’t mind at all.“ He then claps his hands together, “Okay, everyone.“

The kids are scattered around, not really paying attention, being kids. It takes the instructor a moment to get them to focus on him, and he sits everyone down in a circle – Taeil right across from him, and the children on the sides.

The first thing the instructor does is an introduction. His name is Kun. He then has each of the kids introduce themselves as well, and he repeats their names back, probably to help him memorise them better. There are six children in total, two girls and four boys.

And then there is Taeil. When Kun repeats his name back at him with an acknowledging nod and a smile, Taeil needs to look away for a moment. Thankfully, Kun’s eyes don’t linger on him, instead slide over to the boy that sits at Taeil’s right side. His name is Chenle.

It takes about half an hour for Kun to talk them through the basics. He slowly and clearly explains up front all that they will be doing that day, and Taeil is thankful for that: at least he knows what to expect. Even though his stomach squirms uneasily when Kun says they’re going to enter the water today, just to get a feel for it, there is enough time for him to mentally try and steel himself.

When Kun asks if there’s anyone that is afraid of the water, Taeil doesn’t raise his hand, despite his heart hammering in his chest.

It’s all great and simple in theory. They will slowly enter the kids‘ pool, at the shallow side. They will walk around for a while, to get used to the feeling of water surrounding their bodies. They will try to submerge their heads, too, if they can, just to get used to the feeling of it. For the day, that is practically all they will do.

The reality of it proves to be a bit more difficult.

Kun enters the pool first, slowly descending the three steps of the ladder. When he stands in the water, it reaches to just about half his thighs. He keeps careful watch over the kids as they one by one enter the pool, reminding them to stay at this side where they can stand comfortably and where the water reaches to their waists and not to go any further.

Taeil is the last to enter. When he steps to the ladder, he freezes, despite his best efforts not to. He looks down at the edge of the pool, at the metal of the ladder, and the clear blue of the water. He can see the floor, he rationally knows that it’s shallow, that he won’t be submerged when he gets in. His body, however, doesn’t seem to agree with the part of his mind that tells him there is nothing to fear: his feet feel heavy, there is a tremor in his hands, and his heart is hammering against the inside of his chest.

He blinks, and at the backs of his eyelids there is indigo blue, surrounging him from all sides.

Kun steps to the edge of the pool, his eyes on Taeil, curious. There is a frown on his face, and Taeil can’t tell how long he’s been looking at him.

When Kun speaks, it’s soft, “There’s nothing to be afraid of.“

Taeil’s stomach drops at the words. He doesn’t want Kun to know that he’s afraid. He doesn’t want anyone to know that he’s afraid; that’s why he’s here, in the end.

He doesn’t want to be afraid.

Still his feet are reluctant to move, and he swallows. He doesn’t answer, but what he’s thinking must show on his face, because Kun adds, “Come here, Taeil. Just to the edge.“

When Taeil gives him a look full of doubt, it makes Kun smile, and Taeil finds comfort in the curve of his mouth, even though that’s the last thing that should feel comforting. “Sit down, right here. You don’t need to enter the water until you’re ready to.“

Taeil lets out a breath. He hates that he’s so easy to read. He hates that Kun can see through him so easily. It leaves something bitter at the back of his mouth, but he steps forward, until he’s right at the edge.

He sits down, slowly, letting his legs go under the water. It is cold, but not unpleasantly so. The water reaches just about above his ankles now, but Taeil blinks, and feels it all around him, pushing and tugging at him.

“Get a feel for the water, okay? Just take it easy,“ Kun tells him from beside him, still looking at him with that sort of concerned stare that makes the back of Taeil’s neck feel hot. He nods.

“You can enter when you feel like it, alright?“

Waiting for Taeil to give him another nod to say that he understands, Kun turns his attention to the kids again. He lets them walk around, just keeps an eye on them to not wander too far off from the shallow side.

Taeil is glad when Kun’s attention isn’t on him anymore. It makes it a bit easier to breathe as he swings his legs through the water, makes it easier to think. He keeps glancing to the side, however, stealing glances at Kun when he’s too preoccupied with the children to notice. Taeil can see the muscles of his back shift beneath his purple shirt, watches the fabric of his swim trunks cling to his thighs, rakes his eyes up and down Kun’s face when Kun laughs at something one of the kids says to him that Taeil can’t really hear.

He turns away, closing his eyes for a moment. He shouldn’t be thinking about that, any of that. He can’t be thinking about it.

He gets up, and walks to the ladder.

And that’s as far as he gets.

He intends to go down the ladder, he really does. He can imagine himself doing so, step by step by step, hands gripping the hot metal railing on both sides, the water that would soothe his heated, sweaty skin.

He does grip the railing, but he cannot get himself to move further. In the end, all he can do is sit down on the edge right next to it, and hang his head down with an exhale.

He doesn’t notice Kun approach. He wasn’t really paying attention to anything around him. His head snaps up to meet Kun’s eyes when he hears his quiet, calm voice, “Alright?“

Taeil’s breath leaves him all at once. “I can’t go in.“ He tries for a smile, even though it must come out like a grimace, and his voice is strained, “Not yet.“

“Take as much time as you need,“ Kun repeats to him once more. He gathers a bit of water into the cup of his palm and tells him, “You don’t need to submerge yourself. You can try to bring the water to you, like so.“ Kun demonstrates what he means by bringing the up to his face and gently smushing his cheek into it. “It’s all just to get yourself used to how it feels.“

But Taeil knows how it feels, when water submerges his entire body, from toe to hips to chest to the top of his head. He knows how it feels when he’s under, unable to breathe, chest constricting when it begs for air. He knows it all too well.

But Kun is standing right there, and now the kids are looking at them too, and Taeil can see them whispering to each other. With his heart leaving bruises on the inside of his chest, he reaches down with one hand, careful not to fall in.

He doesn’t manage to keep much of the water in his palm, but it’s enough. Slowly he brings it up to his face, and it feels cool on his skin as it runs down his cheek and neck and down under his swim shirt.

Kun gives him a bright, encouraging smile, and gives him space again, turning back to the kids behind him. Taeil repeats the motions: puts his hand under the water, brings it to his face, watches Kun with the kids for a while as he struggles to catch his breath. Over and over and over.

After about half an hour, Kun makes the kids get out of the pool. Taeil doesn’t even realise how quickly the time passes, but their two hours of the course are up. When they’re walking across the grass to the main building, Kun puts a hand on Taeil’s shoulder, and Taeil can’t help but feel comforted by it. “You did well today.“

Taeil barely did anything today, he wants to say, but before he can open his mouth Chenle bounds up to them and takes Kun’s hand, “Will we be swimming tomorrow?“

Kun laughs, and lets his hand fall back down to his side, “Not so fast. We need to learn other stuff, first.“

Chenle pouts, “Like what?“

“Like knowing how to keep our breaths underwater, so that we can use that when we swim.“ Kun asnwers, and Taeil’s stomach turns at the words.

When they get to the changing rooms, the kids scatter and greet their waiting parents that came to pick them up. Before Taeil can enter the room, however, Kun calls his name softly to get his attention. “Taeil.“

Taeil turns to look at him, and he feels himself burn all over. “Yes?“

It seems like there is a lot that Kun wants to say, but strangely, as their eyes meet, he falls silent. Taeil waits, but all that Kun says in the end is a simple and soft, “I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?“

Taeil nods, “Tomorrow.“

🍦

When Taeil gets to the locker room the next day, he is met with the cheery face of Chenle. Before he can step into the changing room to get out of his clothes and put on his swimwear, Chenle approaches him, eyes wide and curious. “Mister, will you be getting into the water today?“

Taeil’s heart jumps into his throat, only hearing the words. He wonders what Chenle must think about Taeil, that he’s asking him such a question – but there is no malice in Chenle’s voice, no indication that he would think Taeil is weak or pitiful. He’s a kid, and it’s obvious that this is something he’s interested in, as he waits for Taeil to answer. Taeil gives him a smile and pats his head, “I don’t know. I’ll try.“

“You don’t need to push yourself,“ comes Kun’s voice from behind them. He approaches, and makes no effort to hide that he’d overheard the short exchange. “It’s important to do these things as you feel comfortable, isn’t that right, Lele?“

Taeil blinks at the nickname, and Chenle replies, “But water is the best!“

Kun huffs out a laugh, “You don’t even know how to swim yet!“

“I will learn!“ Chenle exclaims, and runs off.

Kun sighs as he looks after him, but it isn’t an exasperated sound. It makes Taeil wonder. The words are out of his mouth before he can think them over or stop them, “You know each other.“

Kun nods, “My brother’s son.“ He gestures to the swim wear clutched in Taeil’s hand. “You should get changed. We’ll be starting in ten minutes.“

“Right, yes,“ Taeil laughs, feeling the back of his neck heat up in embarrassment.

After changing and putting his things safely away in a locker, Taeil makes his way out of the building and to the pool.

The kids are all there already, sitting close to where Kun is kneeling on the ground with a big bag in front of him. When Taeil gets close enough, he can see that there are inflatable floaties and goggles inside it.

Kun gives Taeil a big smile as he sits down, and only then starts distributing the goods. He gives them only the goggles, however.

As Kun mentioned the day before, and as he repeats it now, they will be trying to submerge their heads in the water today. It is so they can get used to holding their breaths without pinching their noses for some of the basic swimming techniques they will be learning later. He tells them, some of the water will get into their noses and ears, but that is okay – none of it will get further where it shouldn’t get. The goggles are just to help keep their eyes safe and help with keeping them open when they dive under.

Taeil remembers the way water burned inside his lungs, how it pushed against his ears, how he opened his eyes and saw nothing but dark all around an no escape. He grips his pair of goggles in his hands and follows the kids to the edge of the pool.

He takes his seat, the same as yesterday, close enough to the ladder that he can lean his shoulder into the hot metal, and he observes the kids and Kun as he explains to them what they should do. He speaks loud and clear enough that Taeil, too, can hear and understand everything.

They get acclimated to the water over their heads in steps. They go under first only until the water reaches their lips. Then, with holding their breaths, only until the nose. They repeat it over and over, and only after that Kun tells them to put the goggles on, adjusts them for the kids when they struggle, and tells them to go under all the way. Just a few seconds, then come back up.

Taeil watches over it all with his skin tingling and the part of his legs that is submerged in water feels exceptionally cold and numb, even though the water isn’t.

Taeil notices that Chenle keeps giving him curious looks, still. Taeil puts on the goggles over his eyes, and he knows he must look ridiculous, because the goggles are small and round – and, as intended, it makes Chenle laugh.

At some point, Chenle bounds over to Taeil, splashing water around himself in an arc so wide that Taeil flinches out of its range despite himself. Chenle doesn’t seem to notice. “Come in,“ he says, and Taeil wishes it was that simple.

Before he can react, Chenle wraps one tiny hand around Taeil’s ankle, and tugs. It takes a split-second, as Taeil’s smile falls off his face and his hand shoots out to grip the ladder – Chenle isn’t strong enough to pull him in, but just the thought of it makes bile rise at the back of Taeil’s throat.

Chenle is still tugging, oblivious. Taeil cannot blame him. He’s just a kid. Taeil doesn’t really know what to do, can’t really _think_ except for how aware he is of the water, where it is and just how _close_.

“Chenle, don’t drag him,“ comes Kun’s voice, stricter than Taeil‘s heard it before. Chenle lets go in an instant, and steps back. When he answers, he does so in a different language. It takes Taeil’s foggy mind a few seconds too long to place it.

Kun answers in kind, and Taeil doesn’t really need to wonder what they’re talking about. It seems obvious enough. He’s still gripping the railing a bit too hard, hold painful and his knuckles turned white.

He’s experiencing it as if from above. Chenle asks something, Kun answers again, and then Chenle is jumping away to where the rest of the kids are still submerging their heads under the water.

Taeil really comes back to himself when Kun puts his hand on his thigh. He doesn’t apply pressure. He doesn’t tug. He just lays it there, open and warm. Taeil relaxes with a deep exhale.

Kun is frowning. “He only wanted to help. Sorry.“

“It’s fine,“ Taeil says when he’s sure he’ll be able to speak. “It just surprised me.“

“He won’t do it again,“ Kun says, and Taeil doesn’t have any trouble believing that he means it.

“It’s okay.“ Taeil tries for a smile. “It’s not his fault.“

Kun nods, and retracts his hand from Taeil’s leg. Taeil doesn’t focus on it.

🍦

Taeil hates that he’s not making any progress.

It’s not that he doesn’t want to. He thinks about it – it would be easy. It would take only a couple of steps, to get into the water. That, in itself, he can’t seem to find enough resolve within to do.

It makes him angry. He sits at the edge of the pool still, swinging his legs through the water, and he observes the kids. Each of them is a fast learner, and they don’t seem to be afraid of anything; and Taeil finds that he envies them.

At the end of the week, the last class before the weekend, Taeil realizes he’s had enough of himself. He is paying good money for this course, and all he’s doing is wasting both money and time, not only his own but Kun’s as well. Taeil needs to _do_ this, for himself – that is why he’s here, isn’t it? He’s not doing any of this because someone else ordered him to do so. He decided on his own.

Maybe Chenle had the right idea. Maybe Taeil does need a tug in the right direction. It’s only that Taeil needs to be the one to do the tugging.

About an hour before the day’s class is about to end, he gets to his feet, and approaches the ladder.

He ignores the way his feet seem to feel heavy, each step he takes. He ignores the way his skin feels clammy and sweaty and like his veins are stuffed full of cotton. He breathes in and out silently and deeply as he takes the railings in both hands, and ignores the kids and Kun when they momentarily stop what they’re doing to look at him, all at the same time.

Kun, however, quickly diverts their attention. They leave Taeil to it – not even Kun approaches him to give support, and Taeil finds that that makes it easier, and he appreciates it. He manages to lower himself on the first step, slowly. Then the second, and the water comes up way higher than it has the days before, but he finds that he doesn’t mind as much. It feels familiar now, having had his feet dipped in water for so long. He descends the last, third step, and notices that he can breathe a little bit easier.

He lowers himself all the way. He is shorter than Kun is, so the water comes to just about under his hips. It feels cold on his warmed skin, but not unpleasantly so – it laps at his body gently, like it caresses him. He stays standing near the ladder, in case he needs to make a hasty escape, but the more he stands there and lets himself feel the water on himself the easier it gets to stay.

When he looks up, he finds a pair of eyes watching him. When Chenle notices he’s been spotted, he gives Taeil a bright grin, and thumbs up with both hands. It startles a laugh out of Taeil, because somehow only Chenle’s reaction makes it settle in his mind that he did this, actually did it – he’s standing in the pool, there’s water all around him, and even though his heart still beats too hard in his chest he doesn’t feel as afraid as he did just minutes before.

Kun turns to look at Taeil then, and the smile that spreads over his face is wide and kind and Taeil finds that his chest hurts with how hard his heart bruises it from the inside.

Kun asks him, smile never slipping off his full lips, “How does it feel?“

Taeil has to consider the question. How does it feel? He thinks it over quickly as his eyes take in Kun’s messy, wet hair, his broad shoulders hugged tightly by his purple shirt, his slim, toned arms. How does it feel? It doesn’t seem to be consistent, and several feelings war against each other inside him: It is strange, but not unfamiliar. Scary, still, like if he’s not careful, it’s going to pull him under and destroy him. Thrilling, somehow.

He settles on, “It’s alright.“

Kun laughs. “Great.“

Chenle bounds over to him, and Taeil doesn’t mind the spray of water that lands on his chest this time. He exclaims, excited, “You did it!“ He puts his hands up, palms to Taeil, and it takes only a second for Taeil to figure out what he’s waiting for.

Taeil walks around the shallow side, close to the wall, one hand on the edge in case he needs to hold on. Walking around is okay. He thinks to try to submerge the rest of his body, up to his neck – that was one of the first things Kun told them to do, the first day.

He manages to lower himself to just about half of his chest before he can’t any more. It is too close, he realises – too close to his head, too close to his mouth. He pulls himself up, leaning against the edge as he heaves breaths in and out. For a moment, he closes his eyes, and he’s under, kicking against the water and finding no leverage, hands on his shoulders, panic swelling in his chest.

But he’s not under the water, and there’s no one pushing him down. He stands on the ground, and it is that helps him calm down just then – the contact of his feet on the bottom of the pool, of his body leaning against the wall.

When he looks around again, he finds that the kids have already left. Kun stands a couple of steps away, giving Taeil space, watching him. When their eyes meet, Kun smiles, “We’re done for the day.“

He lets Taeil get out of the pool before him.

🍦

The weekend passes by torturously slowly.

He spends both days in work. Donghyuck’s been covering his afternoon shifts the past couple of days, so Taeil took both his weekends, hoping to make it up to him.

Donghyuck is the only one of Taeil’s friends that knows about his fear of water. He doesn’t know what caused it, as that is something Taeil keeps to himself, but he is aware of it. Even though Taeil doesn’t doubt that Donghyuck would be nothing but supportive of his idea to get over his fear, he hasn’t told him yet about the course. He feels like if he speaks about it aloud, he’s going to end up not following through with it.

Donghyuck, however, wants to know what he gets up to in the afternoons, and he is undeterred. Saturday evening, when there are almost no customers in the shop, he drops by and keeps Taeil company with his quick wit and smart mouth.

When Donghyuck starts prying, Taeil needs to tell him to stop trying. “I won’t tell you.“

Donghyuck puts a hand to his chest, expression shocked, “So I cover your shifts for you, work my ass off while you’re off doing god knows what, and this is how you treat me.“ But even though he whines about it for a couple more minutes, he doesn’t push Taeil on it further.

The good thing about Donghyuck, one of his many qualities that Taeil adores, is that he can jump from topic to topic in a second. Sometimes, though, that doesn’t really feel like such a great thing, not when the next words out of Donghyuck’s mouth are: “Anyway. Seolhee dropped by on Thursday, looking for you.“

It makes Taeil freeze for a second, like cold water was dumped all over him. He hopes Donghyuck doesn’t notice. “Did she?“

“She was so disappointed to find me here instead,“ Donghyuck shrugs.

“I’m sure she wasn’t,“ Taeil says, “You’re a delight.“

“Well, I know that, but she doesn’t seem to think so.“ Donghyuck shakes his head. “Which is weird, since I’m so amazing, you know.“

Taeil laughs, and bypasses the comment, “What did she want?“

“Actually,“ Donghyuck gives him a considering look, one that Taeil learned to fear. “I’ve heard through the grapewine that she wants to ask you out.“

“She wants to ask me out?“

“Like, on a date.“

“No, I mean, Seolhee?“

“That’s what I just said,“ Donghyuck raises an eyebrow at him.

Taeil isn’t sure how he should feel. Seolhee is nice – she’s one of his friends. One of the newer ones, like Donghyuck is, or Jungwoo, or Johnny. One of the better ones.

But still something feels heavy in his heart at the thought. Seolhee likes him enough to ask him out. He won’t say no, if she asks. He can’t say no, not to someone like her. There isn’t a single reason to turn her down, not one that his friends wouldn’t question.

“Well,“ he starts, but isn’t sure how to finish.

“You’re gonna say yes?“ Donghyuck asks, and there is something in his tone of voice that Taeil can’t really place.

“Why wouldn’t I?“ Taeil replies with a question of his own, hands tightening into fists without him knowing.

Donghyuck shrugs his shoulders. “I told her you’re working the weekend, so she’ll probably stop by sooner or later.“

True to his words, Seolhee shows up on Sunday. As soon as she walks into the shop, as the bell jingles above her to signal her arrival, Taeil can see on her face that she is nervous.

He gives her a smile, and it’s just as easy to see how she relaxes. “Hi.“

“Hey,“ she steps up to the counter, and takes a deep breath, “I need to talk to you.“

She doesn’t really beat around the bush, and Taeil is glad that she’s so direct about it. She asks him out, and Taeil says yes – it‘s that simple. She is busy that evening, though, so they decide to meet the next day at five. That should give Taeil enough time to make it home to get ready after his swimming class.

As Taeil watches her leave, watches the slight shy dip of her shoulders, the way the dress hugs her legs, he has to tell himself over and over that this is a good idea.

🍦

It’s much easier to go into the water the second time.

The kids are learning techniques, already. Kun distributes the arm floaties to each one, helps them secure them around their biceps, and even gives a pair to Taeil, though he must know that Taeil isn’t ready to use them just yet.

Taeil holds onto them nonetheless. He tries to submerge his torso all the way, and it takes him a couple of tries – it takes labored breathing and a repeated mantra of _you’re not going under,_ but he manages to lower himself up to his neck and stay in position for a while.

Kun comes to him, then. He mirrors Taeil’s position in the water, lowering himself so the water laps against his shoulders, his collarbones that peek out over the collar of his shirt. Still the same one. Still purple. Taeil likes purple.

Taeil doesn’t linger on the way Kun’s hair falls into his eyes, before Kun brushes it away with a practiced motion of his hand.

Taeil asks him, “Can I swim without having to put my head under the water?“

Kun answers, “Some swimming techniques require that you put you head under.“ And then, after a pause, softly, “Is that what scares you?“

Taeil feels phantom weight pushing down on his shoulders. “Kind of.“ And then, because he feels silly for his fear, “I want to do it, I just don’t think I can.“

“You definitely can,“ Kun says, in a way that leaves no room for doubt. Taeil believes him for a second, before he sighs.

“Try it in small sections,“ Kun advises, bringing one hand to his own face to point as he talks, “Up to your chin, then your mouth, then your nose, and so on. Work your way up.“ Maybe seeing Taeil visibly tense, he adds, “You don’t need to do all of it in one day.“

Taeil nods, “I’ll give it a shot.“ He expects Kun to leave him to it, but he stays in place, and waits. His presence helps Taeil relax, because he knows that if anything happens, Kun will be there to help him, so he takes in a deep, steadying breath, and slowly lowers himself further.

As soon as the water reaches above his shoulders he feels like it chokes him, invisible hands circling around his neck and squeezing the breath out of him. Still, though, he manages to put his chin under the water, and even though he needs to stand up right after and breathe through it, it feels like a victory.

“Just like that, Taeil,“ Kun says, and Taeil doesn’t need to look at him to see the smile on his face. “You’re doing great.“

By the time the class ends for the day, Taeil is able to submerge himself up to his mouth, for a few seconds at a time.

He’s about to leave the locker room, already showered and changed back into his usual clothes, when he hears voices. He recognizes them, even though they’re talking in mandarin again and Taeil doesn’t know what they’re saying. It‘s Chenle and Kun.

They appear from behind the corner. Kun is holding Chenle’s hand, but it seems like Chenle is guiding him forward.

Taeil throws his backpack over his shoulder just as they stop in front of him.

“We’re about to go get some ice cream,“ Kun says, “Wanna come with us?“

“Oh,“ Taeil feels the back of his neck heat up, and hopes it isn’t visible. “I would love to, but I can’t. I gotta run home to get ready.“ And then adds, because he feels like he needs to explain why he’s turning the offer down, “I have a date tonight.“

Chenle’s face visibly falls at the refusal, and Taeil feels bad – he really would like to go with them.

“That’s too bad,“ Kun says, “Another time, then?“

“Sure,“ Taeil agrees, and together they make their way out of the building.

They see him off to his bus stop, and wait until his bus arrives. Just before he gets on, Kun tells him, “Hope your date goes well!“

Taeil watches after their retreating backs as the bus speeds away and thinks, heart sinking in his chest, _me too._

🍦

The date does go well, all things considered.

He meets Seolhee at her bus stop, and together they walk to town. She’s pretty, Taeil thinks: her hair is done in soft curls, a portion of it pulled back and pinned up. She has chosen to wear a purple shirt with a white skirt, to which she matched purple lipstick, and she looks stunning.

Any man would be lucky to date her, Taeil knows this. He realizes it, somewhere at the back of his mind as they make conversation, as he makes her laugh and she hides her smile behind her hand, as she links her arm through his. She is amazing – she’s clever and funny and beautiful, a girlfriend other men would do anything to have.

They get ice cream, and let the other try the flavors they picked. Seolhee gives him her cone to try her mint chocolate and green tea combo, and she takes the hand Taeil holds his ice cream in by the wrist so she can taste his lemon and chocolate.

She blushes, when she lets go, saying that it tastes good. Taeil idly wonders if he should be blushing too, but as it stands, he doesn’t really feel anything.

It weighs on Taeil, the fact that he doesn’t like her like that, the way she would deserve. It settles in his limbs and feels heavy, almost like his clothes are drenched wet and dragging him down. She deserves more – more than Taeil is able to give her. She deserves honesty.

So the date goes well, but Taeil makes sure to keep some distance between them, and the entire time ponders over how to let her down gently. He realizes that he screwed up by accepting the date in the first place – he didn’t mean to let her on. He’s not really sure why he accepted, except for a voice at the back of his mind that told him that he should, because that’s what boys like him did when girls like Seolhee were interested in them.

But Taeil looks at her face now, at her lips, at her shoulders under the purple shirt, her legs hugged by her skirt, and he blinks – and sees different lips, different shoulders and different legs, and knows he cannot keep lying to her like this.

He sees her to her bus stop, a few hours later. He’s not sure if she’s expecting a kiss or not, but his anxiety about it is erased when she gives him a smile and says, “You’re a good friend, Taeil.“ She laughs at the expression on his face, probably. “I’m okay with it, if that’s all we’ll ever be.“

He still says, “I’m sorry,“ because he feels like he needs to.

She shakes her head, waves his apology away. “There’s no need. It was nice to spend time with you, today.“

Just before she gets on her bus, Taeil gathers some courage within and kisses her cheek. “Thank you.“

“What for?“ she asks with a huff of a laugh, but Taeil doesn’t have an answer for her yet.

🍦

The next day, Kun catches him just as he’s leaving the locker room. They fall into step, and Taeil cannot help the jump of his heart as he looks at Kun.

“How was your date?“ Kun asks him, probably just so there’s no awkward silence between them while they walk to the pool the kids are gathered in front of already, even though it’s not a long walk. “Had fun?“

“It was,“ Taeil pauses, looking for the right word, “Alright.“

“You don’t sound conviced,“ Kun elbows him in the arm, playful.

“No, I mean it, it was fun,“ Taeil says, and the following words are out of his mouth before he can think about them or stop them, “She just wasn’t my type.“

“That’s too bad,“ Kun says, with a great deal of empathy in his voice, “What’s your type, then?“

They are interrupted in their short conversation by Chenle that runs up to Taeil and throws his arms around him. Taeil welcomes the distraction. He’s not sure he’s got an answer for Kun, anyway. It’s easier not to think about it, so he lets it out of his mind and lets Chenle take his hand and lead him to the pool.

🍦

By the end of the week, Taeil still isn’t able to submerge his head under the water.

He tries, though. Each day he enters the pool with the conviction in his heart that if he’s gotten this far already, it should be easy to advance further – just a few more inches down, just a few seconds at a time to get himself used to it.

He can’t do it. As soon as the water reaches his nose, it gets to be a bit too much.

Over the course of the week, he grows frustrated with himself, too. The progress he made up until that point was great – Kun kept telling him so, praising him for how well he did, how far he got in such a short time – and it seems like he is stagnant now, stuck between a rock and a hard place without any means of getting himself out.

Despite that, Kun has nothing but words of support and further encouragement for him. He says, “You’ll be able to do it next time, don’t worry.“ And Taeil wishes he could relax and believe him.

On Friday, he gets invited to join Kun and Chenle for ice cream once more.

Chenle hugs him around his legs when he agrees to go.

They walk to the ice cream place, and it takes about thirty minutes, all of which they spend talking. There is much that Taeil learns about Kun in that short amount of time, like that he’s a university student as well as an instructor and that he studies to become a teacher.

“What do you want to teach?“ Taeil asks, interest obvious in his voice.

“Not sure yet, I don’t have that quite figured out,“ Kun answers with a shrug of his shoulders, “But I know I want to teach kids. Like middle school. Or high school.“

Taeil had the chance to observe Kun during the past two weeks, so he means it when he says, “That’s awesome. I think you’re great with kids.“

When they get to the ice cream place, Taeil orders his usual, lemon and chocolate. It takes a while before Chenle chooses a flavor for himself, because Kun allows him only one. In the end Chenle leaves the shop with strawberry and Kun gets himself salted caramel and vanilla.

He’s surprised when Kun offers the cone to him, “Wanna try it? It’s really good.“

Taeil feels his cheeks burn as he leans forward to get a taste of Kun’s ice cream. It turns out, it really is that good – but still he’s going to stick with his trusted combination. Which, as a gesture of courtesy, he offers to Kun to sample as well – and Kun doesn’t wait before wrapping his slender fingers around Taeil’s wrist and bringing the ice cream to his lips.

Taeil watches Kun’s lips as he gets a taste, traces the way Kun’s tongue pokes out of his mouth to lick at the remnants of chocolate at the corners of his mouth.

He averts his gaze, heart beating against his ribcage, his skin burning in the place Kun was holding him just seconds before.

Then Chenle is saying, excited, “Try mine too! Mine too!“ and Taeil takes the opportunity, just so he doesn’t have to look at Kun just then, and doesn’t look at him until his heart calms down.

They talk a lot. Kun asks about Taeil’s life, so Taeil tells him he works as a barista at a coffeeshop, that his best friend is an evil mongrel, and that he’s thinking of college, but doesn’t quite feel like going back yet.

Kun asks about his fear of water, of course he does. Taeil expects it, he realizes, as soon as the words are out of Kun’s mouth, soft. “Have you been afraid since you were a kid?“

Taeil doesn’t seem a point in lying to him now, not when he could see him freeze and struggle with the water and himself so much. “Not always.“

It seems like Kun’s words get even quieter, gentler, “Did something happen that made you afraid?“

Taeil lets out a breath, and Kun adds, “You don’t have to tell me.“

Taeil shakes his head, “No, it’s fine, it’s just silly is all. The way it happened.“ Taeil‘s skin tingles, and he still vividly remembers the way the water felt on his skin, even though it was so long ago now. The backyard of his childhood home. An inflated pool, the newest addition to the flowers and trees out there. Not Taeil’s first time in the water, but his first time in the water with his brother. His brother’s hands on his shoulders, and a laugh on his lips as he pushes and pushes and pushes and Taeil goes under. Then, seconds, panic.

His brother didn’t mean to, Taeil knows that. The laughter died in his throat as soon as he pulled Taeil up and saw the fear that must have reflected in his face. Taeil clawed at his hands and scrambled to get out, lungs hurting with the effort of sucking in breath after breath while sobbing through it, and there is his brother’s voice in his ears still, apologizing, remorseful.

Taeil doesn’t blame his brother, and what’s done is done.

What he says out loud is, “It was an accident. My brother pushed me under. I wasn’t expecting it, and it scared me.“ He lets himself laugh, a tiny, shy sound, “I guess the fear just never went away.“

Kun puts his hand on Taeil’s back, just for a moment, “You’re doing really well. I mean it.“

“Well,“ Taeil lets out a breath, and hopes it isn’t obvious that he feels shaky, “You’re a great instructor.“

The grin Kun gives him in return is blinding.

🍦

After class the next day Kun approaches him in the locker room again, without Chenle this time. “So I was thinking.“

Taeil’s eyebrows rise up, “What about?“

“Maybe it would be easier for you if there weren’t the other kids around,“ Kun replies, direct.

Taeil doesn’t mind the other kids that much, but he does admit that he still feels somewhat frustrated about not being able to learn so quick, so swift as they do. “Maybe.“

“Do you have time this evening, in about two hours?“ Kun asks, “I have another class starting soon, but we can use the indoor pool after I’m done.“ He pauses, and adds, “If you want to.“

Taeil nods, feeling his stomach turn and squeeze, but not because of fear. “It could be worth a shot.“

“Great,“ Kun says, “Just meet me at the entrance at five.“

Then he leaves, and Taeil stares after him for a moment before he wonders where he’s going the spend the following two hours.

🍦

The pool closes at five, so Taeil feels awkward as he stands in the entrance hallway five minutes before that, waiting for Kun.

There is a guy that sits at the front desk, young, handsome. Taeil has seem him there before, and now he’s giving Taeil weird looks that Taeil doesn’t need to think too hard to understand.

He waves him over, after a few minutes pass. Taeil approaches the front desk slowly.

“Can I help you, somehow?“ the guy asks, not unpleasantly, “We’re about to close for the day.“

“Oh, um,“ Taeil tries for a smile, “I’m waiting for Kun?“

Recognition passes over the guys face, and his mouth stretches wide, “Oh, you’re Taeil, right?“

After Taeil nods that yes, that is his name, the guy stands from his chair so he can lean against the desk and see Taeil better. He introduces himself as Yuta, and they chat for a while before Kun appears through one of the doors to the side that lead to the indoor pools.

As they’re walking down the corridor into another locker room, so quiet and empty, Taeil can’t help but ask, “Is it okay if I’m here after hours?“

Kun waves his concern away, “Of course. I wouldn’t have asked if it wasn’t alright.“

He leaves Taeil to change into his swimwear, ducking out the door with an arrow above it that says, simply, _pool_. When Taeil is done, he follows after him.

The first thing he notices is that Kun has shed his purple shirt. The next thing is that this indoor pool in front of him is _big_ and _deep._ Only glancing at it from this side, Taeil can tell that he wouldn’t be able to touch the bottom if he went in.

“Taeil, over here,“ Kun calls from the very opposite side, and feet heavy, Taeil makes his way over. Kun puts a pair of arm floaties and goggles right at the edge next to where he stands.

The room is spacious and quiet, empty except for the two of them.

“I like indoor pools better than the outside ones,“ Kun admits into the silence, “I burn my shoulders way too easily.“

“I’d worry more about the face,“ Taeil says, and he’s glad to find that his voice comes out even and normal, even though his chest still feels a bit too tight.

Kun laughs in agreement, “Fair enough.“

Before Taeil can say anything more, Kun dives into the pool.

There is some degree of grace with which he does it, and Taeil is left staring after his distorted form under the water as he slides forward, further and further before eventually coming up for air. He swims to the opposite edge, all motions precise and clearly practiced for years, and Taeil just watches him silently from where he stands, unable to look away.

There’s something calming about watching him swim, Taeil thinks as he feels his muscles relax, his shoulders drop. He takes a step towards the ladder, just one.

Kun swims back, all the way to the edge of Taeil’s side of the pool, coming to a stop in order to shake water out of his hair and push it from his face before leveling Taeil with a look that makes him burn all over.

“Look, the water on this end reaches just up to here,“ Kun says as he stands on his legs, and true enough, the water reaches only until the middle of his chest. Taeil knows that if he were to enter, it would reach just below his shoulders. “It gets deeper the more you go in, though.“

“Obviously,“ Taeil says.

“Wanna come in?“ Kun asks, waiting.

When it comes down to it, it’s not really a question of want, because Taeil realizes with surprise that _yes_ , he wants to. He isn’t confident enough to tell if he will be able to, but he _wants_ to – and that in itself is enough to make him move forward, another step towards the ladder.

By now, the first contact with the water, the cold nip of it on his skin before he acclimates to it, feels like an old friend.

The water does reach all the way to his shoulders, and Taeil walks slowly to the side so he can lean his back against the wall of the pool. “Do you want me to submerge my head, then?“

Kun nods, “Ideally, yes. I think it could be easier here, since you don’t need to lower yourself as much as you do in the kids‘ pool.“ He swims closer. “Besides, I can focus only on you, here. I’ll make sure you stay safe.“

“I didn’t pay for this course,“ Taeil can’t help the way one corner of his mouth lifts up.

“It’s free of charge, just for you,“ Kun laughs, “From the goodness of my own heart.“

Taeil tries, but fails the first three times. As with all his tries before, he can get submerged only until his nose, and no further. Kun stays at his side, closer than he ever was before during the classes, possibly so he’s able to reach out and grab Taeil if he needs to.

“How do you do it?“ Taeil asks Kun, when he’s starting to run out of patience with himself.

“You can’t rush it, Taeil,“ Kun advises, wise as ever, and Taeil figures that he’s right, but he’s also had enough.

So he closes his eyes shut tight, takes in a deep breath, and throws himself under.

At first the cold all over his head shocks him, and stuns him enough that he doesn’t move for a moment. It feels just as it felt back then, enveloping everything, pushing against him, muffling and distorting all sound around him and Taeil feels hands on his shoulders, insistent, heavy—

There are fingers on his skin, on both his forearms, gripping him tight and pulling him up.

He breaks the surface with a gasp, as air once more fills his lungs.

“Taeil?“ comes Kun’s voice, not quite as collected as he’s used to hearing it, betraying his concern just as much as his wide eyes are, and Taeil blinks water out of his eyes and looks at him and feels laughter bubble up in his throat. He answers weakly, “Yeah?“

Kun doesn’t retract his hands. He keeps his hold on Taeil’s arms firm, and Taeil’s own palms come to rest on Kun’s skin. “Are you okay?“

“Yeah,“ he says between bouts of laughter that fight their way out of his mouth, and he thinks it might be true. The only pressure he feels anymore is from Kun’s fingers as they press into his skin. “I am.“

🍦

When he’s able to go under water during the next class, Chenle comes over to him and jumps up and down, excited in his stead. “That means we can swim together now!“

Kun ruffles Chenle’s wet hair, and Chenle tries to lean out of dodge, “He needs to learn techniques, first, you know that.“ And then, like the idea just occurred to him, “How about you show him the basics, hm?“

Taeil doesn’t think he ever saw any kid look more delighted.

Taeil remembers the basics, from the time Kun was teaching them to the kids as Taeil watched from his perch at the edge of the pool, but he doesn’t say so; instead, he lets Chenle take him by the hand, instruct him to put the floaties on his arms and goggles on his face, and tell him all over again what to do.

Kun still invites him to swim with him in the big pool, after hours. Sometimes, when Kun doesn’t have another class to teach right after theirs ends, they get ice cream with Chenle, and go back. Kun doesn’t let Chenle into the big pool without the floaties on, but even though Chenle complains about it for a few minutes in the beginning, he seems content enough to swim around them as Kun helps Taeil tackle the techniques Chenle showed him.

One day, it’s just the two of them, side by side by the wall, shoulders touching.

Taeil feels calm, then. The water laps gently against his neck, and he doesn’t mind it at all.

“How did you get to be a swimming instructor, anyway?“ he asks Kun, because he’s curious, and because he didn’t think to ask that of him before.

Kun leans his head back against the edge, and Taeil doesn’t need to look at him to know he closed his eyes. “I part-timed as a lifeguard for three years, every summer season. They offered me the job, after.“ He shrugs, and Taeil can feel the motion against his own skin. “I like swimming, and I like teaching children, so I thought, why not?“

Taeil hums under his breath, and Kun asks, “What about you?“ When Taeil looks at him quizzically, he adds, “Did you always want to be a barista?“

“Oh,“ Taeil says with a laugh, “Not at all. That just sort of happened.“ It was Donghyuck that came to him with the offer, and Taeil just took it. “I don’t really have anything I’d like to do.“

Except for this swimming thing, he thinks. That’s just about his only goal in life, right now.

“You still have time to figure it out,“ Kun says, and Taeil likes that he sounds so sure about it, so optimistic. It makes it easier for him to believe that it’s true.

🍦

He’s leaning against the wall of the pool, as he usually is. Taeil is learning the techniques steadily, and even though it’s a slow process, Taeil finds that he doesn’t mind.

Part of that, he figures, is that he gets to spend so much time alone with Kun.

When Taeil is resting, letting his muscles relax so he can try to swim again, Kun does a few laps around the pool. Taeil likes to watch him, the way he executes each move so perfectly, like he was born in the water. He admires the way Kun’s arms move, how he can see his muscles work beneath his skin (what he can see of them above the water, anyway), lets his eyes linger on his form when Kun isn’t paying attention to him. Drags his eyes down the slope of Kun’s profile, the sharp arch of his nose, his lips.

Taeil likes Kun.

They haven’t known each for that long, but Taeil feels like it’s been years since they first met. Whenever they go out for ice cream, or spend time in the indoor pool on their own, Taeil feels comfortable in Kun’s presence. He is easy to talk to, friendly, and understanding, and doesn’t mind even when Taeil falls silent for longer stretches of time.

Taeil likes him. It makes something within him burn and itch, because there’s still that voice at the back of his mind reminding him that he shouldn’t.

He is staring at Kun, he knows.

Kun is at the very other end of the pool when he catches Taeil’s eye. His first instinct is to raise one eyebrow at him in silent question, and then he just watches Taeil back when Taeil doesn’t react. It feels like an hour passes in just that one instance alone, even though Taeil is aware it must have been only a couple of seconds.

When Kun pushes himself off the wall and slowly swims towards him, Taeil’s heart stutters in his chest.

It takes an eternity for Kun to swim over, but there’s something so gentle about it, so sweet, so inherently _Kun_ , that Taeil doesn’t have it in him to mind. They have to yet look away from each other, and Taeil has yet to find a way how to get enough air into his lungs again.

Kun asks a question – Taeil can see the way his lips move around the sounds, but he’s so caught up with looking at him that he misses it. He’s so close. Taeil drags his eyes up from Kun’s lips, and finds Kun similarly preoccupied with looking at his own.

He’s _so_ incredibly close Taeil can feel the warmth of his body on his skin even through the water. He wants to reach out. He wants to kiss him – because it would be so easy, just lean forward, close your eyes. Kun knows it too, he must; Taeil wonders if he wants it just as much as he does.

When Kun puts a hand to the side of Taeil’s neck, Taeil exhales, a breath he didn’t realize he was holding at all. Kun is about to lean in, Taeil knows he is.

Taeil turns his head away.

There is a second of absolute, defeaning stillness. Silence. Kun’s fingers sting where they touch Taeil, and Taeil feels shame at the back of his throat.

Kun drops his hand down, and moves back to create some space between them.

Taeil closes his eyes. He realizes, distantly, that his heart feels like it’s about to explode, it beats so viciously in his chest. Taeil knows the feeling all too well, it’s like an old friend – his head underwater, lungs screaming for air, hands pushing him down.

But he opens his eyes, and Kun is still there, watching him, waiting, so endlessly patient and kind. There is a furrow in Kun’s brow, like he’s thinking, like he’s trying to make some sense of this situation – of Taeil’s actions, probably. He wonders what he’s thinking. Taeil himself doesn’t really know what just happened, or how to deal with it.

When he speaks, it comes out scratchy, “Show me the, uh,“ he makes a gesture with his hands, a technique Kun showed him earlier. “That thing again.“

After a moment, Kun nods, and turns his head away, “Okay.“

🍦

Taeil doesn’t mean to, but he avoids Kun after that.

He doesn’t come to class, and can’t find it in him to try to find him after his work ends.

He goes to his own work, and tries to figure out what he’s doing. What he did wrong. What he should do.

He knows, at some far corner of his mind that he steadily ignored up until now, what the problem is. In short, it is _him._

He wants to send Kun a message, to apologize for not going to class, or just say sorry in general.

He doesn’t have Kun’s number, however. In all this time, they didn’t think of swapping their contacts. Maybe that’s for the better, Taeil thinks bitterly one day when work is slow and he’s got nothing better to do than focus on his thoughts. He doesn’t want to get ahead of himself and say something he’s going to regret.

He needs to think this through. He needs to face himself, and for the first time in his life, be honest with himself.

🍦

It takes a few days. During their weekend shift, Donghyuck gives him a considering glance, and asks without any preamble: “What’s going on with you?“

Is there an easy answer to this question? Taeil doesn’t know. It seems like there’s so much that needs to be addressed and worked through, that only a few words won’t suffice.

Maybe he needs to face it the way he faced the water. He tried the slow approach, and it has been fine, it worked – up until the point it didn’t. Maybe Taeil isn’t build for slow. Maybe Taeil is build for impulsive and quick and honest.

So he says, while his gut squeezes painfully, “I think I’m gay.“

There is a short pause. Donghyuck looks up at him from the screen of his phone, like he’s running what Taeil said through his mind. Taeil holds his breath until Donghyuck shrugs a shoulder and returns to tapping on his screen, a game he’s been addicted to lately, “Alright.“

Taeil leans his whole weight against the counter, “That’s it?“

Donghyuck almost sounds bored, “What am I supposed to say?“

Taeil thinks that over, while his heart settles down to its usual pace. “I don’t know. You don’t mind?“

“Of course not,“ Donghyuck looks at him again, “Why would I mind?“

Taeil repeats again, “I don’t know.“

“None of us will mind,“ Donghyuck says, and Taeil thinks he sounds softer, gentler, like he’s trying to comfort him. Warmth spills through his chest. “We love you the way you are.“

And then, because he’s Donghyuck, “Wait. Do you have a crush on me?“

Taeil slaps him up the back of his head, but not too hard.

“No, but really,“ Donghyuck becomes serious again, just like that, “That’s why you turned Seolhee down, right?“

Taeil can merely nod.

“Is there someone else that you like?“

“If there was, I wouldn’t tell _you,_ “ Taeil replies.

🍦

There _is_ someone that Taeil likes.

The slap of his sneakers on the pavement echoes across the street, but Taeil doesn’t stop until he’s at the swimming centre.

He pushes the door open, and is glad to find Yuta in his seat behind the front desk. It’s after five, by now. Taeil ran all the way from the bus stop until here, and he needs to heave a few breaths before he can talk. “Is Kun still here?“

“Should be somewhere,“ Yuta answers, expression curious as he takes in Taeil’s state, “He didn’t leave yet.“

That is all that Taeil needs.

He finds him in the big pool, of course. He’s swimming around, not really so vigorously as Taeil saw him do before. There’s something sad in the way he moves, now.

Kun turns to the door as he hears it open, and stops in place right in the middle of the pool. When he speaks, his voice is carefully kept neutral, “What are you doing here?“

Taeil wants to say that he’s sorry, but the words don’t come. He crosses the room to the shallower side instead, taking his t-shirt off as he does. He doesn’t have swim trunks on, but he takes his keys and wallet and phone out of the pockets of his shorts and believe they will have to do.

He enters the pool and starts swimming towards Kun before Kun can really think to do anything. He still doesn’t really have the technique down, he knows this, and this is the first time he’s attempting to swim without his arm floaties on, but he doesn’t care. He needs to get to Kun, as fast as he can.

When he reaches him, he holds onto Kun’s shoulders, and he’s afraid of going under, that he won’t be able to keep himself up – but Kun is right there, Kun that takes him gently by the waist and whispers his name, and Taeil knows that Kun won’t let him go down.

“Look at you,“ Kun says, voice still barely above a whisper, “You just swam all the way over to me.“

“I did,“ Taeil realizes with a laugh, pulling himself closer to Kun still, “Just for you.“

It’s all so easy now, when Taeil allows himself to put his arms over Kun’s shoulders and press close. Everything about it feels easy and right and Taeil can’t help but wonder why it took him so long to figure it out.

It’s so simple. Just lean forward. Close your eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/neocxxlture)|[twitter](https://twitter.com/kunyongx)


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